After the escalator abruptly stopped just as Pastor Dave was approaching, the entire responsive reading and the first 40 minutes of the sermon had to be postponed. “I didn’t know what to do,” said ...

The local thrift store got a huge influx of margarine containers, old license plates, and Clorox bottles this week after local man, Dave Klassen, donated literally everything he owned. “The Internet ...

President Trump issued a warning to pregnant woman this week – avoid knackzoat. “It can only be bad. Not good,” said Trump. “Very bad. Let me see. How do you pronounce this? It’s called kay nack? What ...

After a nice stretch of warm weather and a lot of rain, the Swift Current dill harvest is already upon us. “It’s early this year, but that just means the pickles will be extra dilly,” said Mrs. Loewen ...

Statistics Canada has just released the results of the 2021 census and there are many startling revelations about the country’s Mennonite population. Let’s have a look! Average Mennonite net worth: 73 ...

Area man Collin Penner, 41, recoiled in horror as he was handed the payment terminal at his local burger joint this Monday evening. “I tried to punch in the numbers quick and just get out of there, ...

They’re the hottest Chilliwack cover band on the circuit and they’re heading straight for the main stage at the Fraser Valley Mennonite Brethren Festival of Music and Arts this weekend in the ...

A lowly donkey named Herbert has been named the official mascot of the Mennonites this week after replacing the previous mascot of a guy named Dave wearing a farmer sausage suit. “As much as we liked ...

After decades of division, it seems that someone has finally found a way to unite the left-leaning vote in Canada – a Goldman Sachs banker vowing to move the Liberal Party more to the right. “I’ve ...

The White House’s new $175 billion ‘golden dome’ defence program seems bound for completion this week after the administration got the Mennonites on board. “Nah, junges, normally we only have the ...

Attendees at a local Mennonite church will be on their best behaviour from now on as the church has blown their entire budget to hire English rock band Coldplay to help identify sinners. “This is a ...

Atteendees at a Kansas Mennonite church potluck were disappointed this week after rock superstar Bruce Springsteen showed up with a plumi moos that was a “touch on the dry side.” “I get it. He ...